Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
