Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
