So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize