epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
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Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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