i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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