On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
