So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
