Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
