i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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