I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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