you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
