guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
