my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Life is so much better after having sex.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
