You made me cry and you don't even care
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
