The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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