He is like the real live version of the state fair..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
