Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
