if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
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Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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