why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
