Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
