she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
