How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
