all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
