I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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