How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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