I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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