How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
