i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
