HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
