pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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