i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
