this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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