What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
