He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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