Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
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