dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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