She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
