Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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