If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
