Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
