omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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