In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
