He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
