i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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