belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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