no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
