he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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