Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
