Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
