sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
