So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
