I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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