And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
