Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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