So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
