I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
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Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize