is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You were trust falling into bushes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
