I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
