i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
