Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
