Im at strip club and am horny
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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